Have You Been Told You’re ‘Too Blunt,’ When You Were Just Being Honest?

Have You Been Told You’re ‘Too Blunt,’ When You Were Just Being Honest?

Have you ever been called out for being “too blunt,” “too intense,” or “too direct”?

Or maybe you’ve been told the opposite: “You need to speak up more.”, “Be more assertive.”, “Don’t soften your message so much.”

Feedback like this can be confusing, and frustrating, especially when you’re just trying to be clear and honest.

So, why are you getting this conflicting feedback?

Let’s unpack what this feedback can mean, what it doesn’t mean, and how you can respond to it without having to change who you are.

It’s Not Just What You Said. It’s How It Landed.

Feedback about your communication is often less about the exact words you used and more about their impact: how your audience actually received your message.

You may have shared accurate, clear information, but your tone, timing, or body language might have sent a different, conflicting message.

When you’re reflecting on what went wrong in a conversation, try shifting the question you ask yourself.

Instead of:

“Did I say the right thing?”

Ask:

“Did my message land the way I intended?” and “If not, why not?”

The “Too This or Too That” Trap Is Common, and Can Be Influenced by Gender and Identity

Let’s call it out: It’s not uncommon for Women, Black, Indigenous, and other people of color, as well as people from underrepresented backgrounds, to receive vague and often contradictory feedback.

Maybe you’re told to be more assertive, but when you speak up confidently, you are described as “too much.”

Maybe you’re told to be warmer, but when you soften your message, you get feedback that it is “not strong enough.”

The problem is not always with how you deliver the message. The issue can be a mismatch between cultural norms, expectations, and how others perceive you.

There’s Power in Knowing (and Expanding) Your Communication Range

The goal isn’t to dilute your communication style. It’s to expand your range so you can adapt your communication without losing your authenticity.

Ask yourself:

What does “direct” mean in this context?

Who is the feedback coming from, and what are their expectations?

Is there a way to say what I mean that feels true and builds trust?

You don’t need to show up as someone you’re not; just choose the appropriate way (from your expanded repertoire) to deliver your message in that context .

Tools to Try (that won’t make you feel fake)

• Make your energy mirror your message: For example, if the content is serious, deliver it with grounded energy.

• Use a pause to soften a strong message without diluting it.

• Follow direct statements with an explanatory phrase like, “Here’s why I say that…”

• Use tone, and intonation pattern (not excessive volume) to add warmth or emphasis.

Discover and Trust What’s True for You

You’re not “too much.” You’re someone with a message that matters.

The way you communicate shouldn’t be about trying to please everyone, it should be about sharing your message in a way that stays true to yourself and connects with others intentionally.

You can be honest and effective.

Direct and respected.

Clear and collaborative.

You don’t have to choose between being yourself and getting your message across professionally.

Would you like support refining your communication style so you don’t have to minimize who you are? Explore Barbara’s Coaching Packages

If your communication style is being misinterpreted, let’s work together to fix that. Book a Discovery Call