How Leaders Unintentionally Undermine Their Presence (and What to Do Instead)

The Paradox of Presence

You can have all the experience, expertise, and intelligence in the world—and still undermine your presence if you come across as uncertain, defensive, or disconnected.

That is the paradox of leadership presence.

Presence isn’t about degrees, titles, or even confidence. It’s about how your energy, tone, and behavior make others feel in your presence.

Often, what sabotages your presence isn’t lack of smarts, it's a few unconscious habits that silently dilute your authority and weaken your ability to connect.

1. Over-Talking: When Confidence Becomes Control

Many leaders talk too much when they feel pressure to prove value or the need to maintain control. They fill silences, interrupt themselves, and answer questions too quickly.

The impact? The listener feels overwhelmed and unheard.

What to do instead:

Pause. Breathe. Speak as if your words have to earn their space.

Try this: after each key point you make, pause for a full two-three seconds. That space gives your words time to land and communicates calm authority.

The most powerful leaders don’t dominate conversations, they listen, pause and respond carefully.

2. Defensive Postures: The Body Doesn’t Lie

You can say all the right things, but if your arms are crossed, your jaw tight, or your tone clipped, your body is telling a different story.

Defensiveness isn’t always about conflict. It can be a reaction to stress, pressure, and sometimes, self-doubt. But it’s often perceived as distance or disapproval.

What to do instead:

Before entering a high-stakes conversation, check in with your body.

• Are your shoulders relaxed?

• Hands unclenched?

• Feet grounded?

Making small adjustments can create psychological safety for you and for your audience.

The effect? Your credibility is strengthened.

3. Filler Words: “Uh,” “Like,” “You Know,” Undercut Your Authority

Filler words distract from the message you want your listeners to receive and can make even a strong message sound unfocused or disjointed.

Filler words are often used while a speaker is thinking about what to say next. This can happen when they’re speaking a second language, when they haven’t practiced enough, or when they simply need time to organize their thoughts.

However, what listeners hear is a distracting sound or repetitive word that disrupts the flow of the intended message.

What to do instead:

Train yourself to replace filler words with silence.

Try this: Record yourself speaking for one minute on a familiar topic. Play it back and listen for filler words. Then try catching them in real time. This will often occur after the fact at first, but after some time, your brain will stop you from uttering the sound or word and you can think silently. Voilà - a pause!

That one-two second pause is much more powerful and less annoying than “ummm.”

4. Unanchored Energy: When Enthusiasm Looks Like Anxiety

High energy can be read as passion, or panic. When your pace, volume, and gestures are not in sync, your audience may feel a sense of urgency but not understand what it’s for.

What to do instead:

Ground yourself before you speak.

Try this: Plant your feet firmingly on the floor; visualize roots coming out of your feet, growing into the ground; take three slow, deep breaths and pull energy from the earth up through your feet.

Grounded energy doesn’t have to be low energy. It is controlled, intentional energy that helps you stay in sync and commands attention instead of chasing it.

Presence Starts with Awareness

Presence isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you build.

Becoming aware of these micro-behaviors allows you to regain control over how others experience you.

Leaders who develop presence don’t have to perform, they are able to align their outer expression with their inner state.

Because when your energy, tone, and behavior are congruent, people don’t just hear your message. They feel your leadership.