Managing Your Nerves: How to Look Confident Even When You Don’t Feel It

You know the feeling. Your name is called, all eyes turn to you, and suddenly your carefully prepared thoughts scatter like confetti in the wind. Your heart pounds, your hands feel sweaty, and your voice? Well, it has decided to take on a life of its own.

Feeling nervous before having to speak in front of a group is quite normal, but here’s the thing—this feeling is not just in your head. It affects your body and it shows up in your behavior. Talking too fast, fidgeting, avoiding eye contact—these are telltale signs that you are nervous and can make even the most well-prepared speaker seem like they lack confidence. When your audience picks up on those cues, they may question your expertise, or leadership ability.

The good news? Being nervous before speaking is not something you have to live with. There are techniques you can use to reduce your anxiety and control your behavior. You just need a few tricks to get your brain and body to play along.

How Your Body Gives You Away

Have you ever heard someone speak and felt their discomfort?

Chances are, it wasn’t their words but their non-verbal cues that gave them away.

Here are some telltale signs that a speaker is nervous:

Speaking at warp speed: this leaves the audience struggling to keep up, which means they will retain less of what is said.
Avoiding eye contact: looking up at the ceiling or down at the floor decreases connection with your audience and lowers your credibility.
Fidgeting, crossing arms, or gripping the podium like it’s keeping you upright: all of these behaviors are distractions and may cause your audience to tune out.
Overusing filler words— “uh,” “um,” “like” (the verbal equivalent of background noise): these small words and sounds interrupt the flow of your message and distract your audience from the point you are trying to make.
A shaky voice and/or and up-intonation: A shaky voice is a dead giveaway and making every phrase sound like a question makes you sound tentative and robs you of power.

Even if your content is brilliant, these behaviors driven by nerves can chip away at your credibility. But don’t worry—there’s a fix.

How to Appear (and Feel) Less Nervous

Nervous energy doesn’t have to work against you. With the right adjustments, it can actually work for you.

Breathe Like You Mean It

When nerves hit, your breathing gets shallow, which allows less oxygen to get to your brain, which handicaps your ability to find the words you need.

The fix? When you feel the nervousness begin to creep in, breathe deep, slow and intentionally—inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds.

Box Breathing is like a reset button for your nervous system. Bonus: It also keeps you from sounding like you just ran a marathon.

Plant Your Feet and Own the Space

Have you ever noticed that people who appear confident don’t fidget? That’s because they own their space.

Stand tall, feet firmly rooted to the ground; place your feet hip-distance apart and pull your shoulders back. Don’t sway or rock on your feet, don’t pace, and don’t grip the table or podium like without it you might fall.

Let Your Hands Help You Communicate Your Message

Fidgeting with your hands is distracting, but so is having your arms glued to your sides. Go through your speech or talk and plan natural, intentional gestures that will reinforce your points.

It’s ok to keep your hands relaxed at your sides and raise them when you need to emphasize key points, but no hands in pockets and no hands behind the back (unless that is illustrating a specific point).

Make Eye Contact Naturally and Consistently

Good speakers make eye contact with people in all parts of the room, but they don’t scan the room like a security camera. The key thing is to meet the eyes of individuals in the audience, just for a few seconds, then move on to another person in a different part of the room.

Don’t neglect any part of the room, and don’t lock eyes with one poor soul like they’re your only lifeline. Aim for brief, direct connection with multiple people—it builds trust and keeps people engaged.

Slow Down and Use Pauses

Rushing through your words is a classic nervous habit. Slowing down not only makes you sound more in control and more credible, it also gives your audience time to process what you’re saying.

Confident and experienced speakers know the art of the pause. They take a breath at the end of phrases and they let their points land. Pauses can be used to let something you’ve just said sink in, or to capture the audience's attention before you say something important. Nothing gets people’s attention like silence.

Try EFT/Tapping

Have you ever heard of tapping? Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) (also known as “Tapping”) is a technique that allows you to communicate directly with your amygdala, the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response.

By tapping on specific acupressure points while speaking about your anxiety, you can down regulate your stress response, both in the moment, and with consistent practice, long term.

EFT has been around since the 70’s and is based on sound science.

If you suffer from debilitating nervous reactions, learning to tap before (or even during) a big moment can help you control your anxiety and maintain access to your thinking brain.

What Happens When You Master Your Nerves?

Imagine walking into a room to give an important talk, feeling calm, collected, and in control.

What is the outcome?

Your voice sounds steady, not rushed or shaky.
Your message lands because people are focused on what you’re saying, not how nervous you look or sound.
You walk away feeling like you owned the moment—instead of replaying it later wondering what happened.

Being in control isn’t about never feeling nervous. It’s about knowing how to manage your nerves so they don’t manage you.

Are You Ready to Take Control?

How do you manage your nerves when speaking?

And if you’re tired of letting your nerves hold you back, let’s discuss working together to learn to manage your nerves so you can come across as the competent professional you know you are.

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