The Fine Line Between Composed and Guarded

How Being Emotionally Guarded Can Undermine Leadership Presence

It always comes as a surprise.

“I don’t mean to seem closed off. I didn’t even realize I came across that way.”

But someone mentioned it. Maybe in passing, maybe more directly.

And once you hear it, you can’t un-hear it.

• Guarded.

• Hard to read.

• Distant.

It’s not who you think you are.

But it might be what others experience.

And here’s the thing: it’s not about being bad or wrong.

It’s about being unaware of how you’re showing up.

You Think You’re Present, but How Are You Being Perceived?

Most introverted professionals and leaders I work with say the same thing:

“I’m engaged. I’m listening thoughtfully. But apparently, other people don’t always know that.”

That’s the disconnect: you know what your intentions are, but others interpret your facial expression, tone, posture, or energy differently.

It is often a problem of communication style and how that style is perceived.

When the way your behavior is interpreted doesn’t match what you intend, trust can be eroded, even if that was not your goal.

You don’t need to fake warmth or “overshare” to be relatable.

But you do need to pay attention to the way you show up, especially if you’re in a leadership role.

Because presence isn’t just about being in the room.

It’s about how the people in the room feel when you’re in it.

How to Be More Open, without Faking It

Let’s reframe this:

Being “guarded” isn’t necessarily wrong. In fact, sometimes it’s necessary for a leader to play cards close to the vest.

But if you are being perceived as guarded all the time, it might mean you need to shift your behavior when nothing needs protecting.

Here are a few simple but powerful shifts:

1. Check your posture and facial expression.

A stern resting face and crossed arms doesn’t necessarily mean you’re upset, but people might interpret it that way. Breathe deeply; Relax your shoulders and uncross your arms. Intentionally soften your brow and relax your mouth.

2. Show micro-reactions when listening.

Nod. Smile. Look directly at the speaker. Even if you feel engaged, you might not be showing it. Loosen up and let your body express your engagement.

3. Balance your tone with warmth.

If your tone tends to be flat or overly formal, try smiling more. Smiling naturally brings warmth to your voice. You don’t need to grin the whole time you are speaking, but a smile here and there will warm up your voice and make you seem more accessible.

4. Be honest, not scripted.

Perfection can feel cold. It’s okay to say, “Let me think about that,” or “I’m not sure.” Vulnerability isn’t oversharing; it’s human.

5. Ask for feedback, and listen closely.

If one person gives you feedback that you come across as guarded and inaccessible, ask someone else you trust:

“Do I come off differently than I intend?”

You might be surprised what people notice, and how willing they are to help you grow.

🗣 Final Thought

If the word “guarded” has shown up in your reviews, in team conversations, or even just as a casual comment, notice it, then work on modifying your behavior.

You’re likely protecting yourself in ways that made sense in the past, but don’t serve you anymore.

As a leader, how you show up matters.

Not just what you know. Not just what you say.

But how people feel in your presence.

You don’t need to be a completely open book, but you do need to share enough pages that people can understand your story.

Ready to build trust without forcing vulnerability?

Let’s work on aligning what you intend with how others experience you.

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