Why Being Hard to Read May Hurt Your Leadership Presence
When What You Are Feeling Isn’t What They See
You finish the meeting and think, “That went fine.”
You stayed on message. You made your key points.
You felt calm, clear, focused.
Then someone says:
“You seemed closed off.”
“I couldn’t really tell how you felt.”
“Do you know you’re hard to read?”
What???
You weren’t trying to be guarded or opaque. You were just being you.
So why did you come across so differently?
The Disconnect Between Thinking You Are Being Transparent and Being Perceived that Way
This can be a very frustrating issue for thoughtful, introverted professionals.
You may feel calm on the inside.
And completely engaged.
Even excited!
But your face, your tone, your pacing might be sending an entirely different message.
When your internal state and your external signals don’t match, people can misinterpret your intent.
They may read you as:
Distant
Disengaged
Indecisive
Disagreeable, even when you’re actually on board
What you end up with is a gap in perception, which can lead to:
Miscommunication
Misunderstandings
Broken trust
Missed opportunities.
How to Make What You Are Feeling Match What They Experience
The goal here isn’t to perform or “fake it” (well maybe for a little while).
It’s to align your external signals with your internal state.
Here’s how to close the gap between what’s true for you and what others see:
1. Check Your Facial Expression Before You Go On
Do you have a resting neutral or serious face?
Totally normal. But it can unintentionally signal disinterest or even resistance.
Try unfurrowing your brow.
Make consistent eye contact.
Nod subtly when listening.
And smile a little.
You don’t need to smile constantly. Just enough to let people know you’re human. 😉
2. Tune into Your Tone, not Just Your Words
A clear sentence can sound cold.
Instead of focusing on what you’re saying, pay attention to how you’re saying it.
Learn to sound curious. Add some well-placed pauses. Let your tone reflect how you really feel.
3. Slow Down a Little
If you speak fast or with flat intonation, or both, people may struggle to read your intent.
Slowing down just a little and emphasizing key words helps with understanding and trust.
4. Ask for Feedback About Your Energy
Ask a trusted peer:
“How do I come across?
Do people understand how I feel?”
It’s a vulnerable question. But it can give you powerful insight into your unspoken communication.
5. Practice Presence, Not Performance
You don’t have to force yourself to be overly expressive. Focus on being grounded and expressing your true feelings.
You don’t need to overdo it. Just bring a bit more energy into the moment, so people can feel it.
🗣 Final Thought
If you’ve ever felt misread, misunderstood, or misinterpreted, when you thought you were being clear, you’re not alone.
Communication is about clarity AND…
It’s also about congruence, between your message and your delivery.
When those things line up, you don’t have to explain yourself so much.
People just get it. And they get you.
🎯 Ready to lead in a way that feels like you, AND lands with others?
